This Drifting Excrement Was Way Too Symbolic! It's the Television Letdowns of the Past Year.

As we reflect on the television landscape of the past year, a handful of shows stand out not for their excellence, but for their notable failures. Ranging from cringe-inducing spin-offs to confusingly poor docuseries, here are the programmes that had us utterly bewildered or simply reaching for the remote.

The 'Sex and the City' Sequel

Where to begin with this divisive spin-off? Plagued with dreadful writing, cringe-inducing arcs (justice for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of fan-favourite Samantha, the series fought to find its footing. Briefly, as the third series began, it seemed as if it had finally found its groove. Then came an episode all about Seema’s natural deodorant. No wonder the showrunner declared this would be the final series. It concluded on a low point; the lingering shot of Miranda’s toilet flooded with poo was just way too symbolic. Still, viewers undeniably had a hoot picking apart every single “what on earth?” moment. And as Carrie – a single woman once more – twirled around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who couldn't release a small sob?

All’s Fair

‘Can Kim Kardashian act? The answer is a resounding no.’

But that was almost the least of this drama's problems. The subject of a exceedingly uncommon no-star review, it was hard to know where to start listing the flaws. The hilariously leaden dialogue? The tedious glorification of wealth and materialism? The almost wilful procession of tropes? Performances so bad they felt borderline spiteful? Let’s just say “all of the above” and never speak of this series again. Except, a new season has been ordered, so we’re probably going to have to.

AKA Charlie Sheen

Considering the legal troubles, abuse allegations and parental shortcomings, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a bad boy. Not you’d truly have known it from this three-part documentary which smirked its way at Sheen’s various episodes of self-destructive hedonism while failing to tell us anything we didn’t already know. Rather, it felt as if this loose cannon was being indulged, so any sympathy this series might evoke should be saved for the people who have had to suffer proximity with this charismatic but flippant egotist.

The Iris Affair

Naturally we understood it was preposterous from the get-go: a thriller about a AI known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either save the world – or annihilate all of humanity. We stuck with it out of sheer love for its leads … but by the end, it felt like even they had given up trying. One barely cared when his character died, and the other ended up slicing Charlie with an axe … in super slow-motion. That's what you call giving up the ghost.

The Gangster Drama

Shady figures convening in deserted boxing gyms? A certain band's Firestarter jackhammering away in club scenes? The late 90s called and demands its gangland drama back.

In truth, that is harsh on the crime shows of the late 90s. Many look a little old-fashioned now, but at least they didn’t endure the ignominy of having to indulge baffling accents. But there were many other problems. Mainly that it was just really dull; a conflict over drug-selling territory between various London rogues which seemed rather simplistic.

With Love, Meghan

Given the extent to which she grinds the gears of the nation’s ostentatiously angry commentators, it’s almost easy to admire the Duchess of Sussex’s televised forays into quaint lifestyle as deliberate statements. But then you watch them and are forced to concede that actually, they might have a point. It’s like watching a lifestyle catalogue animated; a meme for wine o’clock with delusions of grandeur; a parade of sleeping dogs, humming beehives, sentimental sayings and forgettable crafting “tips” you’ll forget instantly. All supported by vast, largely undeserved wealth. Ugh.

The Beckham Documentary

There are obviously fascinating things to be discussed about regarding Victoria Beckham and her journey with career, self-image, self-worth. But for some reason, this documentary series opted not to say them. Rather, the viewing was akin to reading a sales brochure. She clearly has every right to bridle at what she describes as her “miserable cow” image. But sadly, she didn’t do herself any favours with this guarded non-event of a series.

The Game Show

It should have been the next big hit – except even more extravagant, with a glamorous star as a deceased benefactor and a sharp-tongued personality managing her estate. What more could you ask for? As players battled it out, there was plenty of backstabbing and arguing. But the rules quickly became bewildering: it’s even now too complicated to explain what exactly was happening. Even more regrettably, we only saw glimpses of the star via prerecorded videos. The series ended up smelling of a production that was trying way too hard to live up to something far greater than it.

The Lena Dunham Romcom

How do you follow a show that defined a generation? The pressure was immense for this starry romantic comedy about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who arrives in London with a shattered romance. The lead actress took her biggest role by the horns and was a delight to watch, reveling in Jane Austen levels of romantic ideals. But it was all very slick and, paradoxically, was insufficient. Plus, the sheer amount of celebrity cameos involved felt uncomfortable.

Mitchell & Webb Are Not Helping

Not good enough to be ‘patchy’.

Given the smart inclusion of talented younger comics, expectations were high. But unhappily, most of it fell flat. A recurring sketch was a single joke stretched to a dry pulp but repeated in every episode. One star seemed too ready to slip into a well-known irate mode. The behind-the-scenes sketches, in contrast, simply inspired the thought that they should probably have stayed in there a while longer.

The Knox Dramatisation

This retelling of the story of Amanda Knox was executive produced by Amanda Knox and pretty much solely showcased the perspective of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an interesting drama to be made about the tragic 2007 murder, this isn’t it. The subject matter needed to be treated with care. Instead, the series struggled painfully to find the right voice, lurching from oddly breezy, somewhat stylised farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Complex? Perhaps. A complete mess? Absolutely.

Prime Target

We admire the lead actor … but did we buy him playing the most brilliant maths genius in history, a man so intelligent he’s on the brink of a discovery that could destabilise society? Nope! This globe-trotting thriller about secret services spying on – and eliminating – intellectuals frankly got more farcical by the second. Silliness-by-numbers.

The Bonnie Blue Documentary

This uncritical portrait followed the content creator notorious for sexual exploits as she undertook her most extreme feat yet. What on earth would possess her? What we craved was way more examination of her true psychology, plus those of the men in the queue. They could at least have spoken to the legendary mum who showed up to haul her son away from the queue. What we got was disturbing shots and absolutely no interrogation of her infamy whatsoever. And to think, the documentary-maker has a young daughter too.